Fantastic Lesbian Letter to Olivia Colman

Dear Ms. Colman,

I hope you will receive this message in the thoughtful spirit in which it is intended. I am writing to share something that has weighed on me regarding public conversations about sexual identity.

When someone who has lived openly and comfortably as heterosexual speaks about identifying as gay, it can be deeply painful for those whose lives have been shaped by the realities of actually being gay or lesbian. For many people in the lesbian and gay community, sexuality has not simply been a label but a journey marked by confusion, fear, self-interrogation, and often profound alienation from family, faith communities, or society at large.

Heterosexuality, in contrast, exists within an inclusive heteronormative framework. It is affirmed in media, celebrated in family structures, and reinforced by social expectations. Many heterosexual people never have to question their orientation, never have to "come out," never have to weigh the risk of disappointing loved ones simply for being who they are. They are not typically asked to justify their relationships or prove the legitimacy of their families.

For many gay and lesbian people, coming to terms with their sexuality involves navigating marginalisation, confronting stigma, and often facing rejection. Even the possibility of building a family has historically been uncertain or contested. While having children is often assumed, expected, and socially supported for heterosexual couples, it has not been treated as a given for same-sex couples. That difference in expectation reflects a broader difference in lived experience.

Because of these realities, when someone who has not had to endure those challenges speaks as though they share that identity, it can feel as though the depth of those struggles is being overlooked or unintentionally diminished. Sexual orientation is not only about affection or attraction; it is also about the social context in which one has had to exist.

I share this not to accuse or attack, but to express the hurt that can arise when lived experiences that have involved marginalisation are treated as interchangeable with those that have not. For many, being gay has required courage, resilience, and sacrifice in ways that heterosexual life simply has not demanded.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it contributes, in some small way, to a deeper understanding of why these distinctions matter so much to those who have lived them.

Jo Craig - a lifelong lesbian.