The Perfect Love Song For Each Star Sign

Okay Lezzers- love is in the air.

Madame LaBia feeling warm and fuzzy after a romantic break away and Mystic Morag feeling cynical after chatting to what she thought was a hot butch with perfect skin on a Lesbian dating site….chuffing filters! Turns out Brenda used to be Barry and was married wie 5 weans ffs 🤦‍♀️. Wie hindsight there was nae chair in any of their profile pics and the rubber mini skirt and gimp mask did seem an unusual choice of dress for a butch lesbian.

Anyhoo, here’s the perfect love song for each star sign.

Aries - Eye of the Tiger, Survivor
Think your the big lass eh? You’ll chase her roon aboot hooses, fight her da, and still act like you did her a favour. Absolute roaster but you’ll make her laugh.

Taurus - I Just Want to Make Love to You, Etta James
Dinnae come here with your fancy words or your daft poems. You want your woman, and you’re not shy aboot saying it. Soft as a scone but as stubborn as a mule, once you’ve made up your mind, naebody’s shifting you. And if the food’s not good? Your off hen. Simple as.

Gemini- Call Me Maybe, Carly Rae Jepsen
Texting her non stop at 2pm, then acting like she doesn’t exist come 3pm. You couldnae make it up, two heids, nae brain cells. She’ll be greeting one minute, laughing the next. Good luck keeping up, lassie.

Cancer- Cry Me a River, Julie London
Greeting if you breathe wrang, greeting if you look at other lassies, greeting cause your teas gone cold. You live tae be sappy and saft with your lass, and if you dinnae get your own way? Ye’ll make sure the whole place kens aboot it. Dinnae bring them oot, they’ll greet enough for the whole street.

Leo - I’m Too Sexy. Right Said Fred
Loves her dearly… but loves her ain reflection mair than onything. Aye, she’s bonnie, but look at ME. If it wisnae for you she’d be nowhere. Get it right, queen.

Virgo - Count On Me, Bruno Mars
Will help you so much you’ll wish you never asked. Sorting your sock drawer, correcting your speech. Wee saint, but yer lass kens fine you’d sort oot the world for her, even if you are a wee fusspot.

Libra - Why Can’t We Be Friends?
Cannae pick a pub, cannae pick a side, cannae even decide if you like her or just fancy her jumper. Just standing there greeting for peace and a nice cuppa, dafty. You just want all the lassies tae be happy, don’t you.

Scorpio- Every Breath You Take, The Police
It’s not romantic, it’s stalking, You ken where she’s been, who she spoke to, and exactly when she lied aboot that other lassie. You love deep, and you love hard, but you sleep with one eye open hen.

Sagittarius- Leaving On A Jet Plane , John Denver
“I love you doll”, says you while packing your bags tae bugger aff tae Benidorm with your pals. Dinnae wait up, you’ll forget her name by then. You love being free, and she kens fine she’s got tae catch you if she wants tae keep you.

Capricorn - Work From Home, Fifth Harmony
Love’s all fine darling, but have you tried making actual money and building a hoose together? She’s second place, right after your spreadsheets and your plans. Tough luck, but to be fair you’ll provide a good life, even if you’re a bit stiff.

Aquarius- Independent Love Song, Scarlet
You want love, but you want your own way mair. “We’re together… but I dae what I like”. Fair enough, hen, you’ll love her, but you’ll never be anyone’s daft wee lapdog. She’s lucky you even let her in yer orbit, let’s be honest. Pure stubborn, pure brilliant, and naebody tells you what tae dae.

Pisces- I Dreamed A Dream, Les Misérables
Planned the wedding, the hoose, the wee dug, the breakup, and the reunion, and you’ve only spoke twice to her. Living in a wee world of your own, daftie. You love like it’s a film, and you want your lassie tae be the leading lady, even if it’s all in your heid.