Right Lezzers, the Sun temporarily disappeared this week

Right Lezzers, the Sun temporarily disappeared this week and, naturally, several of you have taken this as a sign to reassess your entire lives.

The eclipse was in Leo, bringing big themes of confidence, change, visibility and new beginnings….. utter pish.
Madame LaBia and mystic Morag will tell you what’s really occurring…
New haircut. New crush. New WhatsApp group. Same emotional baggage.

ARIES, even mair impulsive than usual.
The eclipse has activated your Fuck It button.
You may suddenly book a holiday, message someone wildly unsuitable or announce you’re taking up paddleboarding despite owning absolutely no paddleboarding equipment.
Someone will say “Are you sure?”
You are not.
You’re doing it anyway.

TAURUS, comfort above all else
The universe wants transformation.
You want a nice dinner and to be home by ten.
Unfortunately, the eclipse may force you out of your comfort zone. This could involve romance, adventure or being invited somewhere that requires standing up for prolonged periods.
You’ll eventually have a brilliant time then complain about the chairs.

GEMINI, The WhatsApp is lit.
Communication is HUGE this week.
Unfortunately Gemini has interpreted this as permission to send 46 messages, three voice notes and “Actually, one more thing…”
There may also be gossip.
You don’t start gossip.
You merely provide essential contextual information.

CANCER, your emotional support lezzer
The eclipse has you thinking about security, money and who actually deserves your energy.
A revelation arrives:
You cannot emotionally rehabilitate every woman you fancy.
You will ignore this revelation.
Your key phrase “I know she has issues, but…”
Here we fucking go.

LEO, THE ECLIPSE LEZZER
THIS WAS YOUR ECLIPSE.
The cosmos has basically kicked your front door in shouting:
“REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE.”
Confidence returns. Standards rise. Hair improves mysteriously.
You may feel an urge to reinvent yourself.
By Sunday, Leo has either changed her hairstyle, wardrobe, relationship status or profile picture.
Possibly all four.

VIRGO, The Organised Lezzer
The eclipse asks you to let go of control.
Virgo finds this concept deeply irresponsible.
Other lesbians will suggest “just seeing what happens.”
Absolutely fucking not.
There will be an itinerary.
Virgo organises the spontaneous day out.
Departure: 09:42.

LIBRA, flirty af
Your social life is sparkling.
Someone interesting may appear.
Unfortunately, you will spend so long deciding whether you actually fancy her that she may have married someone else by Thursday.
Three women fancy you.
You fancy the complicated one.
Obviously.

SCORPIO, The Dangerous Lezzer
Big eclipse energy for Scorpio.
Career. Ambition. Visibility.
People are noticing you.
Including someone you hoped was noticing you.
👀
Your magnetism is frankly becoming a hazard.
Scorpio says almost nothing at an event and somehow leaves with someone’s phone number.
The rest of us would like an explanation.

SAGITTARIUS, The Adventure Lezzer
The eclipse is whispering ;
GO SOMEWHERE. DO SOMETHING.
This is unnecessary encouragement for Sagittarius.
Possible outcomes include travel, camping, hillwalking or suggesting a Fantastic Lesbians weekend somewhere nobody can easily get to.
Announced “It’s only a three-hour drive.”
It is five.

CAPRICORN, sensible isn’t dull
The eclipse highlights intimacy and shared resources.
Which means Capricorn is reviewing who owes her money.
Romance is possible, but first:
“Did you ever send me that £14.70?”
Someone calls you tight?
You produce receipts.

AQUARIUS, The Independent Lezzer
Relationships are under the cosmic spotlight.
Someone may want to get closer.
Aquarius immediately needs some space to think about that.
You crave connection but also strongly object to anybody expecting you to answer messages consistently.
You meet someone fascinating.
Your first thought, Oh for fuck’s sake 🙄

PISCES, The Delusional Romantic Lezzer
The eclipse is encouraging healthier routines and boundaries.
Excellent.
Unfortunately Pisces has just met a woman with beautiful eyes and several enormous red flags.
Pisces; “I just think she’s misunderstood.”
Fantastic Lesbians: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩