Right Lezzers, how do you flirt?

Right Lezzers, how do you flirt? Madame LaBia and Mystic Morag have all the intel right here …

Aries, The Aggressive Flirt
Flirting technique - bullying, but make it sexy. Will challenge you to pool, darts, arm wrestling or anything else she can turn unnecessarily competitive.
Calls you a dickhead. Touches your arm while saying it.
Lezzer translation - I would like to take you home immediately.

Taurus, The Hospitality Flirt
Doesn’t flirt. Feeds.
“Have you eaten?”
“Do you want another beer?”
“You look cold, take my hoodie.”
Six weeks later you realise you’ve basically been married since she gave you the good side of the bed.

Gemini the chaos flirt
Flirts with you. Flirts with the barmaid. Flirts with a lamp. Then suddenly gives you intense eye contact and says something incredibly personal.
You think - I’m in here.
Five minutes later she’s organising karaoke with a woman called Linda.

Cancer, The Emotional Flirt
Within two hours knows your childhood, your ex’s star sign and why you don’t speak to Sandra anymore.
She texts “Home safe? xx” You reply “Yes thanks xx.”
She analyses the number of kisses until Tuesday.

Leo the flamboyant flirt
Walks into the lesbian event already aware she looks magnificent.
Makes you laugh. Tells a story loudly enough for you to hear it.
Pretends she hasn’t noticed you looking.
She has. She noticed 43 minutes ago.

Virgo the practical flirt
“You’ve got something on your collar.”
“Give me that, I’ll fix it.”
“Text me when you get home.”
Absolutely no obvious romantic behaviour whatsoever.
Meanwhile she has already researched restaurants for your third date.

Libra the plausible denial flirt
Eye contact. Smile. Compliment. Touches your knee. You’re 99% sure she’s flirting. Then she behaves exactly the same way with someone else.
You spend the next fortnight asking the Groupchat “DO WE THINK SHE FANCIES ME?”

Scorpio the weaponised eye contact flirt
Does almost nothing. Looks at you across the room. Looks away. Looks back. That’s it.
You are now emotionally compromised and considering changing your relationship status.

Sagittarius the adventure Flirt
“Fancy going for a drink?” somehow becomes: I’ve booked us a cottage in Skye.”
Flirting consists mainly of making you laugh until you agree to increasingly questionable plans. May disappear for three days afterwards and return with
“You out Saturday? “

Capricorn the interview flirt
“So what do you do?”
“How long have you been single?”
“Do you own your house?”
You think you’re chatting.
You’re actually undergoing Lesbian Due Diligence. If successful, you’ll be pencilled in for romance sometime in Q4.

Aquarius the weird flirt.
Will absolutely NOT admit she fancies you. Instead sends memes, takes the piss out of you and starts a bizarre conversation at 11.47pm about whether ghosts can be lesbians.
Appears completely casual while privately conducting a forensic investigation into every interaction.
“Hmmm she used three laughing emojis. Interesting.”

Pisces The fantasy flirt
You smiled at her twice.
She has now imagined your first kiss, your cottage, your Labrador and the emotional speech she’ll make at your wedding. Unfortunately, she still hasn’t actually asked whether you’re single.
But spiritually? You’ve been together for eighteen months.