May Bank Holiday Horoscopes
Hiya FLs’ it’s May Bank Holiday!
It’s probably gonna pish it doon and the Scorpio Full Moon has everyone acting like an absolute weapon. Here’s your horoscopes xxxx
Aries
You’re pure buzzing, but your bank account is screaming. You’ve spent the whole weekend acting like an alpha in the beer garden, wearing a t-shirt the second the sun peeked out for three seconds. Pace yourself, hen, or you’ll be tucked up in bed afore the fireworks even start.
Weekend vibe: Buying a round of shots for folk you dinnea even like.
Taurus
It’s your birthday month and you’re being a right crabbit cow. You’ve found a comfy chair in the pub and you’re no’ moving until Tuesday. If anyone asks to share your chips, you’ll tak their hand aff. Just relax and enjoy your roll & Lorne in peace.
Weekend vibe: Am no' moving. You get the drinks in.
Gemini
Your mouth is running faster than the Glasgow Subway. You’ve promised to be at four different house parties and a BBQ in Motherwell. You’ll end up wandering aboot lost, talking to a stray cat and forgetting why you even left the house.
Weekend vibe: A 20 minute story that goes absolutely nowhere.
Cancer
You’ve spent the whole weekend greetin’ because you saw a nice sunset or a dug in a raincoat. You’re currently trying to feed the entire community and have a wee chat about everyone’s trauma. Put the tissues away and get a pint in your hand.
Weekend vibe: Making sure everyone’s wearing a jacket.
Leo
You’re walking about like you own the place, probably in a jacket that’s far too fancy for a hike up Arthur’s Seat. If the lassie you fancy doesn't tell you your hair looks class within the next ten minutes, there’s going to be a scene.
Weekend vibe: Look at me, am pure gorgeous.
Virgo
You’ve spent your holiday Monday cleaning the oven and making a chore chart for your flatmates. You’re the only one who brought an umbrella, and you’re looking at everyone else getting soaked with pure judgment. Just have a drink and let the house be a tip for one day.
Weekend vibe: Ticking things off a list that nobody else cares about.
Libra
You’ve been standing in front of the mirror since Saturday morning trying to decide if you’re a cool indie lesbian or a soft cottagecore lesbian. Just pick a flannel shirt and get out the door, the pub’s going to be shut by the time you’re ready.
Weekend vibe: Does this make my bum look big? Be honest.
Scorpio
You’re being pure intense. You’ve spent the weekend staring into someone’s soul and making them confess their deepest sins over a pint of Tennent’s. You’re one look away from either a fight or a wedding, and honestly, nobody’s sure which.
Weekend vibe: Dark sunglasses and even darker secrets.
Sagittarius
You’re absolute chaos. You’ve probably lost your phone, your bus pass, and your dignity somewhere in the West End. You’ve got a plan to go camping in the Highlands even though it’s minus two degrees and you don't have a tent.
Weekend vibe: It’ll be fine, just wing it!
Capricorn
You’re relaxing, which means you’re checking your work emails under the table at the pub. You’ve got a five year plan for your relationship and you haven’t even had the first date yet. Put the spreadsheet away and have a dram, for goodness sake.
Weekend vibe: I'm no' working, I'm just... checking something.
Aquarius
You’re wearing something that looks like it came out of a bin in the 90s and you think it’s fashion. You’ve spent the bank holiday explaining a conspiracy theory about the Loch Ness Monster to a lassie who just wanted to know the time.
Weekend vibe: Being the weirdest person in the room and loving it.
Pisces
You’re floating about in a dream world, probably thinking you’re a selkie. You’ve fallen in love with three different barmaids and a woman you saw waiting for the 57 bus. You’ll spend Monday night writing poetry about a rainy window.
Weekend vibe: Pure emotional wreckage, but in a deep way.
