Here’s Your Hot drink by Star Sign

Okay Lezzers - because I missed last week. Hot drink by Star Sign and What’s your love language.

A short 2 for the price of 1. Madame Labia and Mystic Morag have been awfy busy, the stars have been going a wee bit berko.

Anyhoo, your choice of hot drink says far more about you than your therapist ever will. Your welcome xxx

Aries, triple expresso
Small. Intense. Slightly aggressive.
Drinks it in one gulp, burns her mouth, learns absolutely nothing.
Love language- “Get your coat. I’ve decided we’re going out.”

Taurus , Luxury Hot Chocolate
Whipped cream. Marshmallows. Possibly a Flake. Owns a favourite mug and WILL notice if you use it.
Love language -Feeding you until neither of you can move.

Gemini, Whatever You’re Having
Ordered a latte. Changed to chai. Now wants to taste yours.
Has somehow acquired three drinks and is talking to the barista about her divorce.
Love language, 47 WhatsApps followed by “Anyway…”

Cancer, Tea in a Massive Mug
Strong, comforting and emotionally necessary. Makes you one without asking because she noticed you looked “a wee bit off.”
Love language, “I made you tea.” Which actually means “I would kill for you.”

Leo, Caramel Macchiato With Extras
Large. Obviously. Looks less like a coffee and more like it has its own Instagram account.
Love language, Public displays of affection and expecting applause afterwards.

Virgo, Flat White
Correct temperature. Correct ratio. Correct cup. Will say “It’s fine” while staring at the foam like the barista has personally betrayed her.
Love language- Reorganising your kitchen while insisting she’s “just helping.”

Libra, Vanilla Latte
Spent 14 minutes deciding. Asked everyone else what they were having.
Immediately regrets her choice when yours arrives.
Love language -Flirting accidentally with absolutely everybody.

Scorpio, Black Coffee
No milk. No sugar. No unnecessary information. Maintains eye contact while drinking it and somehow makes caffeine feel sexual.
Love language- Intense staring followed by “Come here.”

Sagittarius, Chai latte
Wanted something “a bit different.”
Has already suggested drinking it in a campervan halfway up a mountain tomorrow morning.
Love language-“Pack a bag. I’ll explain later.”

Capricorn, Americano
Efficient. Reliable. No bloody nonsense.
Has finished hers while you’re still photographing yours.
Love language - Sorting out your car insurance without being asked.

Aquarius, Oat Milk Matcha With Something Weird In It. “It’s actually really good for you.” Nobody asked.
Refuses to conform to Big Coffee and has brought her own reusable cup.
Love language- Sending you an article at 2:17am and saying “This made me think of you”

Pisces, Hot Chocolate She Forgot She Made. Found it cold beside the sofa three hours later. Was distracted imagining your wedding after the second date.
Love language - Writing you a poem while her tea goes stone cold.